My Personal H*ll
by Sarah22
Summary: Ch. 2 added: Sally's running some tests, Duo get's confused, and Trowa is staring at the tabloid writer (JZero)?!? HY/RP, DM/HS, TB/MU, QW/DC, WC/SP, ZM/LN
1. Personal? What does that mean?

My Personal Hell

My Personal Hell

Ch. 1: Personal? What does that mean?

By: SarahStarFlower

The young woman frowned and studied her watch, anxiously. This had to go perfectly, if they wanted to pull it off correctly. 

Duo grinned and shot her a thumbs-up sign. Her 'brother' for the day, was the braided pilot. It was quite funny, especially since Duo had gone as far as wearing 4-inch boots and coloring his hair blond. Relena's real brother, Milliardo, had somehow been talked into dying his hair brown and braiding it. He was also sitting down to hide the fact that he was so much taller than the real Duo Maxwell. 

A gentle hand touched her back, startling her, slightly. It was 'Noin' or actually, Hilde with HIGH heels, that smiled at her when she turned around. "Relena, calm down, this will go without fail." 

Now, Relena, or actually, Lt. Noin in a honey blond wig and a rather uncomfortable dress, replied, "It better, or else Relena- err, Lt. Noin, will kill me! If I'm still alive after Heero and the press finds out what's going on, that is."

Hilde or 'Noin' smiled slightly and said, "Ah, don't worry, this will be fine, but god…Did they have to pick DUO?!?"

Noin (I'm using their real names for the sake of my sanity, as well as yours) smiled back and said, "Why Noin, are you jealous?"

"NO! I'm worried about Relena's reputation! Pretending she's in love with Duo! Ick! Who knows what the politicians will think!"

"Yeah, sure, Hilde." 

Just then, WuFei, dressed as himself, came in and said, "All right, whoever the heck is playing Duo and whoever the heck is playing Relena better get ready, got it?"

Duo rolled his eyes, "Why could I just play myself? And Hilde would have made the perfect Relena!"

Hilde slapped the back of his head, "Oh, you! I already explained this. If I played the part of Relena, it would be too easy to guess I wasn't Relena! You know what a terrible actress I am! And Noin didn't want to pretend to be in love with you, and it wouldn't have worked if the Relena was taller than the Duo! So we had to get Milliardo to play you!"

"Oh, yeah…If you're such a terrible actress, how come you're acting as Noin?" asked Duo. 

"BECAUSE! I'm actually an ok actress, but I'm way too uncomfortable being the main character!" In truth, Hilde was just too embarrassed about even pretending to be in love with Duo. Of course, it didn't help that she actually was in love with the braided pilot. Noin, however, was long past the embarrassment part, by now, and she was willing to do ANYTHING to try and wake that damn platinum haired prince up. 

WuFei cleared his throat impatiently, "Well, hurry up! Are you ready or not?"

"Sure am, WuFei! Come on, NOIN!" with that, the hyperactive pilot grabbed Hilde's hand and dragged her to the stage, almost falling over his 4-inch boots on the way. 

The stage was actually Relena's bedroom, with Trowa standing in the middle of the room, video camera in hand. Quatre was making sure everything looked 'natural' and helping the Maganacs figure out how the lighting should be. A young woman with soft brown hair and eyes, along with a gentle smile, was standing next to Trowa. 

Quatre smiled at the five people who came in, and said, "Are all of you ready?"

The woman standing next to Trowa, piped up, "We're ready. I think Trowa's got it."

Hilde smiled and said, "Oh, I don't think we've met, yet! I'm Hilde Shidebaker, playing Lucrezia Noin."

She smiled back and said, "Nice to meet you, I'm a reporter for 'The Colony Inquirer' tabloid. You can call me by the name JZero, my alias for the tabloids. Don't ask me why I use one, I don't know!"

"Why are you here?" asked Duo, looking confused. 

JZero grinned widely, "I'm here to let the world know about the hidden romance between the Gundam Pilot Duo Maxwell and Relena Peacecraft. Even if it is just a big fib. 'The Colony Inquirer' doesn't care, as long as we have steamy pictures!"

Everyone sweatdropped visibly, but didn't say anything.

"All right, positions, everyone!" said Quatre, busily making sure that everything looked natural. "Remember, this has to be realistic. Where's the photographer, JZero?"

JZero rolled her eyes, "Oh, her. She'll be here."

As if on cue, a girl with shoulder length black hair and eyes rushed in, toting a camera bag. "OH! I'm SO SORRY I'M LATE! I'm Sarah, the camera woman you hired, from 'The Colony Inquirer'." (Before you kill me, read the end A/N)

Quatre shook his head, "Oh, we don't mind. But can you please hurry? We're kind of in a rush."

"Of course, of course, I'm so sorry, by the way!" said Sarah, digging through her bag and pulling out her camera. "It's not my fault!"

"Yeah, yeah, it's NEVER your fault, Sarah!" said JZero studying everything, one more time. She smiled good-naturedly, "You better get some good pictures, though!"

Sarah replied, confidently, "Don't worry! I always do!" 

Noin took a deep breath and sat on the bed, and grabbed the book set out for her. Milliardo left the room and waited behind the door. Duo and Hilde quickly took their places at the balcony. Trowa, JZero, and Sarah left as well, heading for the tree behind Relena's bedroom. 

~*~*~*~

"That's a big tree," said Sarah, studying the sturdy oak. "She WOULD have a room on the second floor, right?" 

JZero smacked the back of her head, and said, "Oh, you know perfectly well that we're not climbing the tree!" She jerked her thumb in Trowa's direction. "He is!"

Trowa didn't reply to this, but expertly jumped up to the top most branch of the tree. 

Both of the girls picked their jaws off the floor. JZero grinned, and said, "Heh. How about that? Now, can you throw down the rope for us?" As soon as the words left her mouth, a rope seemed to mysteriously appear before the two. They both grabbed on and where about to climb up it, when the rope started pulling up. Sarah shrieked and JZero seemed mildly surprised.

When they reached the top, JZero jumped to the safest looking branch, while Sarah continued to mutter under her breath about how she lost twenty years of her life. Trowa said, in his usual, emotionless voice, "Hurry and get onto a branch. You're heavier than you look."

JZero leaned back in the tree and looked carefully through Relena's open window. The tree was close enough to look right through the window into her room, and still see everything perfectly. "Well, we couldn't have been too heavy if you pulled both of us without breaking a sweat. God, I can just imagine how much training you've gone through."

Trowa said nothing, and hoisted the video camera, which had been carefully set down on the branch, onto his shoulder. 

Sarah focused her camera, and said, "Give the word, J, and we'll start rolling."

She studied her watch, then looked at the room. Everyone seemed pretty much ready. "All right, go!" JZero tapped the button on the gizmo around her neck. As soon as she did this, a red flash was released in three places. The balcony, Relena's room, and the hallway outside of Relena's room. 

~*~*~*~

Noin took a deep breath and released it as she saw the red signal flash. She pretended to read the book in her hands, a manga, actually, 'X/1999'. (Which is © by CLAMP) Who would have guessed Relena was into this kind of stuff? She slowly turned the page, and, as naturally as she could, changed positions to lay down on the soft, blue sheets. Right then, a knock sounded from the door, and she said, hoping to god that the voice changer worked properly, "Come in." 

The door swung open and Zechs strode into the room, his now brown bangs waving in front of his eyes. "…Relena…"

"…Duo…"

Duo bit his lip to stop the laughter that was threatening to escape. This was TOO much! Hearing Milliardo say his sister's name THAT way was the funniest thing in the world! He could still remember the look of disgust on Milliardo's face when they asked him to pretend to be in love with Relena, his sister. Of course, he was 'Duo' in this case. Duo quickly sobered, though, as he remembered that after this…it was goodbye. He looked at Hilde through the corner of his eye. She had one hand over her mouth, and she seemed like she was about to burst into a fit of giggles. Her eyes were glittering with amusement, and her dimples showed through the cover of her slim hands. The darkness of her hair was still there, although it was a bit of a different color, thanks to the hair dye. Saying goodbye would be hard. 

(Back to the scene inside the room)

Milliardo sat at the edge of Relena's bead, and stared into Noin's eyes, lovingly. "Relena, it's been too long."

Noin set down the manga, although she was dying to know what was about to happen. "Oh, Duo, I know what you mean! It feels like an eternity, since you left this morning."

Gulping silently, Milliardo moved closer to the young woman and kissed her neck. "I know what you mean, angel."

Noin tensed up slightly, but continued acting. She placed her hand on the back of his neck, and was about to bring her lips to his. 

~*~*~*~

Quatre and WuFei watched, amused, through the camera that had been set up so that they could watch the scene. Suddenly, Quatre's head shot up, and he turned around. Dorothy was standing, dripping wet. The black shirt she was wearing clung tightly to her body, and Quatre gulped nervously. Her legs were in jeans, and she looked less then pleased. 

"D-Dorothy…What are you doing here? Why are you so wet?" asked Quatre, quickly heading towards the linen closet and pulling out a few towels. "Are you all right?"

She grabbed the towels, and quickly started to dry herself. "To put it simply, Relena's pool is evil, and you should never, EVER tease people who clean them."

"It would figure a woman would do something like that!" muttered WuFei, who now seemed more interested in the two blonds then in the little show Noin and Zechs where putting on. He could always get a copy of the tape. This, however…

Quatre frowned and said, "I'm sorry about that, do you know where the bathroom is?"

Dorothy nodded, and moved to head there. 

"Should I get you some fresh clothes? I'm guessing you're about Relena's size?"

"Actually, I'm a bit taller," she replied, not turning around. 

The young Arabian quickly headed towards the laundry room. He couldn't go into Relena's room, right now, and he knew that Relena always had clean clothes in the dryer, waiting to be taken out by a maid. 

"Women, and what they can do to perfectly sane men," said WuFei, to himself. Then, he thought about this, and about Duo, and said, "And what they can do to already insane men."

To Be Continued…

A/N: 

1)I hope you don't mind that I used you as an 'extra' in my story, JZero! And yes, she will probably be back quite a few times, and a few of my other friends will to. I probably won't, though. 

2)I'm enjoying this story, so far. It's fun, and I'm not quite sure where it's going, as of now. ^_^ But I like it!

3)A couple teasers- Where is Duo going? Why are they putting on this show for the tabloids? Where is Heero and the REAL Relena? Why are they pretending Duo and Relena are in love? Will Noin ACTUALLY kiss our silver-haired, incredibly stubborn, prince? Hmm? I dunno! I'm just writing this as I go along!

Thank you, everyone, for reading this story! And I'm sorry the first chapter was so short, the rest will be longer! 


	2. All this over a bra?

My Personal Hell

My Personal Hell

Ch. 2: All this over a bra? 

By: SarahStarFlower

Warning! Warning!: There is some FAKE 'boy love' type of stuff! It ain't real, it's just part of the 'act'!

"For god's sake…It's JUST a wet bra, Quatre!" said Dorothy, sounding annoyed. 

Quatre blushed an even darker red. "B-But… What am I supposed to do with it?"

"I don't know! You're at Relena's house more than *I* am!" replied the aggravated blond, with just a hint of jealousy. 

"…I…I…"

"YOU will put the damn bra into the washing machine!" Dorothy was about to blow, and Quatre noticed. 

Shaking his head in defeat, he took the bra with only a slight wince. "Umm, all right." 

~*A few minutes later*~

"QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATRE!!" 

WuFei and Quatre both winced at the shrill scream. 

"You better go, I'm betting that onna can turn vicious when pushed."

Quatre nodded weakly, and quickly headed over to the bathroom. When he got there, he timidly knocked on the door. "Err, Dorothy, is everything ok?"

Dorothy almost broke the door off when she flung it open. She was wearing only a pink, fuzzy towel, and a murderous look. Her long blond hair was wrapped up in another towel and her stunning blue eyes were narrowed. "No, everything is NOT ok!"

"What's wrong?" His eyes traveled from where he was staring, (I'll leave that to your imagination), to the lacy, red bra in her right hand, and then to the matching, lacy, red thong in the other hand. "Oh. Those where the only garments in the dryer, I'm very sorry, Miss Dorothy…"

"And what about THIS?" she demanded, throwing the thong to the side and picking up a short, low cut red dress. Rather tacky and revealing, she looked at it as if it were poisoned. "Whose clothes are these, anyways?"

"The daughter of Relena's head cook was visiting the country, and Miss Relena was nice enough to let her stay here," said Quatre, thoughtfully. "Those must belong to her. Or else the stress has really been getting to Miss Relena."

"…Oh. Wait a second!" she waved the bra inches away from Quatre's face, "How do you know THESE belonged to her? Did you see her in these or something?"

He sweatdropped, "Of course not, Miss Dorothy!"

"If I didn't know better, I would think that the onna is jealous," said a familiar voice. They both slowly turned around to face WuFei, who was looking quite smug. Reality seemed to dawn on Dorothy, as she suddenly shrieked and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. WuFei could barely hold in his laughter, especially at Quatre's confused face.

"What would she be jealous about, WuFei?"

WuFei sighed, "Women are jealous about anything that come close to their man. I pity anyone who has a woman like THAT for their girlfriend."

Quatre's face turned a red that was even brighter than the dress he had handed Dorothy. "W-what? But I'm not her…her…"

WuFei rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah… We all know…"

~*~*~*~

Relena rubbed her hands together, anxiously, as she watched Sally pour over the test results. "Well, Sally, how does it look?"

"Err…I'm not quite sure about this… but…"

"But?" prompted Relena. 

"I think I need to run more tests."

"Sally! For god sakes! You're running tests for everything except what we think it is!"

Sally smiled nervously and teasingly said, "Oh? The great ex-Queen of the World? Nervous about this?"

"It's not like you're doing perfectly well yourself," said Relena, glancing meaningfully at the many cups of coffee sitting on Sally's desk. 

"Oh… It's just…Ya know… This is a weird thing… ok? I have to find out what's wrong!" 

"It's probably nothing, right?"

"Right… Err, it could just be some weird new disease."

"…Umm… I don't know about that… but… You're the doctor."

"Well, it certainly can't be…well, THAT!" spoke up Lady Une, who was standing in the corner. She had been silent in thought. 

"Yes, there's just no way, right, Relena?"

"R-Right…"

~*3 more tests later*~

"Well, there's one more thing it could be…I know if it was true I'd be able to tell immediately, but…it can't possibly be true! I mean, I'm pretty sure it can't be…" muttered Sally, her slim handing resting on her head. She was leaning against a chair, her elbow propped up on it. 

Relena sighed, as she downed another cup of strong coffee, "You're not approaching this in a practical way, Sally. If it's true, we'll need to find out who the father is and everything. Mmm…I like coffee…"

"Hmm…I thought you were being too mellow about this, Miss Relena. You're drinking beer," said Une, grabbing Relena's cup.

"Oh. Oops. Now give it back. I like it."

"…How many cups have you had?"

"I don't know. I thought it tasted funny, but I wasn't paying attention."

"How could you drink alcohol and not notice?" 

"Umm…"

"Unless you DID know…Ugh, Miss Relena…"

"What? Une, don't act like you're not nervous!"

"…Is there any more?"

"Refrigerator. In the back. Now we know how Sally manages to cope with WuFei." 

~*~*~*~

(See the A/N if you get confused in this part)

Suddenly, the balcony door burst open, and two figures ran in. They where Hilde Shidebaker and Duo Maxwell, clad as Noin and Milliardo. 

Hilde dramatically put a hand to her forehead. "Duo, my ex-fiancé! And Relena, my hidden love! How could you two do this? And why didn't you let me in the fun?"

A small sweatdrop fell down Milliardo's forehead. He hated to say it, but Hilde couldn't act if her life depended on it. "Ummm… Oh! I LOVE Relena! Nothing will tear me away from her…but I do have some feelings for you, my ex-beloved…umm…Noin!" Milliardo couldn't believe he just said that. 'Who wrote this corny script anyways? Oh, yeah. It was Quatre, wasn't it? Thought it should be a dramatic love story instead of a sex scam. Figures…'

Noin gave a rather fake sounding gasp, and she clutched her heart with her hand, "Oh, my dear Duo, how could you do this to me?!? Although, I admit, I love you too, Milliardo!" 

"What?!? But I am your brother, Relena! And I…I…LOVE NOIN!!" shouted Duo, tossing his head to the side, getting blinded by his now blond hair. 

Hilde turned to Duo, "Oh! Milliardo, do you truly? Oh, why didn't you tell me before?!? But, I am going lesbian, I think. I love Relena, more than I love even you, Duo!" 

Duo sweatdropped and thought, 'Man, it would really suck if I DID lose Hilde to RELENA…Err, where was this play? Oh, yeah,' "Umm, Hilde? No, wait, not Hilde, Noin! No wait, umm….Relena! No, I'm not supposed to be in love with Relena…."

Hilde turned to Duo, confused, "Are you sure? I thought you were in love with Relena and Noin…Wait, aren't you in love with Milliardo, too? No, you're playing Milliardo!"

"Don't say that Hilde, I'm going to have enough nightmares from this, already," muttered Milliardo.

Noin didn't say anything. She was too afraid of what might come out. And she was SO CLOSE…Milliardo's lips had been barely an inch away from hers…

~*~*~*~*~

JZero groaned and almost fell off the tree, "This is it. My career is over. This could have made me famous, I could see the headlines! 'Ex-Queen of the World and Ex-Gundam Pilot involved in love triangle with Queen Of the World's BROTHER!'"

"Oh, now, JZero, it won't be so bad. I have some very cute little pictures!" said Sarah, waving around her camera.

"……….."

"Well, I DO!"

"YEAH! That's it! We won't need the tape, the pictures will be enough! We'll write up a steamy article about the sex scandal between Duo Maxwell and Relena Peacecraft!"

Trowa just rolled his eyes, and continued taping. At the very least, he could give it to WuFei and Catherine. WuFei would enjoy blackmailing everyone, and Catherine just wanted to see what everyone looked like.

"Yeah, we'll be FAMOUS!" Sarah stood up and punched her fist into the air, and almost lost her balance. The branch shook underneath her, and she tripped. The camera that had been securely in her grasp slipped out her of her hand and…

*Boom* 

"…I didn't think camera's could make small craters like that…"

"…SARAH!!!"

"Eek! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It was an accident!"

"…Oh, it doesn't matter, my career is ruined! I'll never work in the tabloid business again. At least I'm a good enough writer, to get other jobs. I can publish a bestseller or two, and make enough money to take a cruise. Yeah, that's what I'll do!"

"Well, it's easy for YOU to do that JZero. I hear Chimera has you rolling in money."

"It does. Maybe this isn't such a crime, I'll take a cruise to the Bahamas, and watch some anime, relax a bit. I deserve a vacation…"

"…." Trowa ignored the two, but something caught his eye about JZero. (Read A/N) His eyes trailed slowly from her face to her chest. Trowa widened his eyes, as he realized that… 

A/N.

  1. Here is the coupling and costuming if anyone is confused…

Duo Milliardo

Milliardo Duo

Noin Relena

Hilde Noin

P = Played

Noin (P. by Hilde) is pretending to be in love with Relena (P. by Noin), Duo (P. by Milliardo) and Milliardo (P. by Duo)

Relena (P. by Noin) is pretending to be in love with Duo (P. by Milliardo) and Milliardo (P. by Duo)

Milliardo (P. by Duo) is pretending to be in love with Noin (P. by Hilde) and Duo (P. by Milliardo)

Duo (P. by Milliardo) is pretending to be in love with Relena (P. by Noin) and Noin (P. by Hilde) 

  1. ^-^ Hey! JZero! Glad that you're ok with being in my story! Couldn't resist adding a reference to Chimera. Man, JZero-san is such a good writer! You guys should check out all of her story! A Memory Remains is a story I've read a million times without getting sick of, and A Single Goodbye had me in tears. SO CHECK OUT HER STORIES! 
  2. Yes, this is a TROWA/MIDII STORY! Why he's looking at JZero-san is going to be explained in the next chapter! Hope no one was confused by the coupling. Cya! 


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